If you ever feel like you're failing at basic tasks, this post is for you

I want to talk about mental health today - specifically the arbitrary rules that we set for ourselves, and how these thoughts impact us negatively.

An arbitrary rule that I set for myself if that I have to cook myself nutritious, healthy meals every day Otherwise, I feel like I am failing at (what I perceive to be) a very basic human task.

I really don't like cooking. At. All. I find it so stressful. Recipes have specific measurements for ingredients and times that things need to boil/simmer/sit. I'm always worried that I'll put too much or too little sauce, cook the pasta too long and it'll be mushy. Not only does cooking majorly phase me, but grocery shopping bothers me even more. I never know, nor can I remember, where things are, and so I find myself wandering the same aisles over and over again looking for sesame seeds or canned tomatoes.

Despite this - I LOVE food (and need it to survive, obviously). There's this mismatch in my brains of things I'm supposed to be able to do (grocery shop, cook) in order to get the thing I want/need (food). On top of this, my aversion to cooking leads me to eat more "snacky" foods to sustain myself - toast, fishie crackers, yoghurt, an apple. I feel guilty for not eating proper meals and I'm constantly thinking that I'm not eating enough veggies (don't we all?).

Thankfully there's a great solution to this - takeout!

We've been ordering takeout at higher rates than ever thanks to the global pandemic, and it's become much more accepted than it has in the past. Despite this, I still feel like a total failure when I get takeout. Why? It costs more money, it's not good for me, and more than anything - I am a responsible adult, I should be able to cook. It's just a basic skill that we all need to survive.

...

This is only one example of "failure thoughts" I have - but I think it's a good, concrete example.

You see, when you have these "I should(n't) be..." thoughts, you're really not helping yourself.

"I should be able to cook healthy meals for myself every day"

"I should enjoy meals with lots of vegetables"

"I shouldn't be eating so much takeout/processed foods"

Or fill these statements with whatever you're feeling you're failing at:

"I should go for a run every day"

"I shouldn't be watching this much TV"

You're only setting yourself up for disappointing yourself. We are setting unrealistic standards for ourselves. Sure, maybe we watched our parents make healthy and yummy meals (almost) every night. But we didn't see them snacking in the middle of the night, we didn't see them beating themselves up over it. And we also probably never talked about this with them.

We're all going through a collective traumatic experience right now, constantly in survival and stress mode which is draining our brains beyond belief - so give yourself a break! I, myself, am writing my thesis right now so you bet I don't have the energy to make myself numerous nutritious meals every week. But that's ok. I give myself permission to slip every once in a while.

Instead of beating yourself up for the things you think you did wrong ("I ate takeout today 😞"), celebrate the things you did RIGHT ("I drank water and ate a carrot!!! 🥳"). In fact, science has shown that celebrating your small accomplishments leads to the formation of more healthy habits down the line.

So go forth, my friends - eat a carrot, do a little dance - and then order your favourite sushi tonight for dinner. I give you permission.